*walks up to newborn baby* haha fuckin virgin
kids… cover your eyes…those are heterosexuals
do u ever randomly remember sad scenes from tv shows and start crying
trying to make time-sensitive plans with someone who doesn’t text back quickly
adults with shitty opinions that refuse to listen to anyone younger than them need to fuck off
i have this friend, his name’s jamal, and when we were younger, he was obsessed with pokemon, and pretended he was a pokemon trainer. one time we saw this stray cat, and he pretended it was a pokemon, and tried to catch it, and somehow he actually managed to get a hold of it. his family’s had it ever since
now we call him “got a cat” jamal
"Looking through for an hour"
"this baby came out of you but im not 100% sure its yours"
"omg i hate small talk its so fake!!" like damn u must be so fucking annoying. its called being nice. if i was at a party and i was like "how r your classes going" and you were like "ugh lets skip that i KNOW u dont really CARE about my classes and i dont care about YOURS" i would log out of there so fucking fast